Forgiveness is such an immense topic and dictates the lives of so many for better or worse. We have all be impacted by the hurt from others and bare the scars that tell our story; some physical, but most emotional. I have found that sometimes, the hardest person to forgive can be yourself. Throughout my time as a therapist, it hurt my heart to see so many hold onto pain, regret, and blame. Nothing hits harder than life and no one gets out without a few scars; I would like to share my thoughts on forgiving yourself and others. The most important thing to understand is, forgiveness is a choice. You do not have to forgive anyone at any time; especially if you are not ready. That is manufactured and will only prolong the process of real living and forgiveness. But before you decide not to forgive, ask yourself this question; “How will your life be better if you don’t”? If you are ready, I’d like to share how to go about it.
When forgiving yourself or others, it’s important to note that it is impossible and unrealistic to forget any type of trauma. Whether the trauma was a lie, cheating, or worse. There is no forgetting, but there is an option to move pass and EVOLVE. You must be willing to stop chasing the novelty of the pass before the offense; in efforts to make it like it was… and have the strength to accept, create, and live in a new normal.
You must first fully acknowledge the pain and loss and view it with eyes wide open. For some, it’s hard to even think about the pain, let alone say it out loud. Everyone will handle this differently, some with ease and others with help from friends or professionals. Sharing your story to the right person or professional, for the purpose of growth, inspection, and moving forward; NOT for the purpose… wowing, blaming, and seeking sympathy.
Second, and the most difficult, is a willingness to gain an understanding of the offender’s “Why”. I am not suggesting that you agree or condone their reasoning; but understanding anyone’s “Why” allows you to step outside of yourself and gain deeper perspective. The final step is actively living your best life in public and private. Many will put their best faces throughout the day and return home to despair, chaos, depression, and their “Old Thinking”.
Living your best life in public and private means caring for yourself emotionally, physically, mentally, and intentionally connecting with others that make you feel positive and whole. It also means being true to your feelings and allowing each emotion both positive and negative; but having an active game plan for the negative. When you feel negative; how long is acceptable for you to accept and explore it? What will you do? Who will you contact? There is a plethora of activities, clubs, online interactions, and professionals to pick from. Self-Care is essential regarding your thoughts, socializing, intentional learning, and allowing yourself to have a fun.
To recap; forgiveness is a choice, blame is the enemy, and the new normal is awaiting all of you. I welcome you to live your best life and EVOLVE! Share your thoughts with me at www.facebook.com/menevolvingnow or
written by: Andre Young
