M&W Blog – “Passive Much”

Have you ever found yourself stressed out, depressed, and frustrated over a situation within your life, profession, or relationship? It’s easy to place blame on our boss, the system, or our partner, but not as easy to accept our role. As you spend your life “Living Right” and have done all of the external things necessary to become successful: went to school, got the grade, got the job, got the relationship, got the home… and somewhere along the way… you became passive. You allowed other people in your life (boss, partner, etc.) to make many of the decisions; as to not rock the boat, not have the argument, not start something that will ruin the day, or not be the one responsible for sparking the scary beginning of the end of a relationship.

This passivity leads to bitterness, resentment, frustration, and blame. It’s easy to focus on other people taking advantage of you, controlling you, and not caring for your needs and wants. However, it’s impossible for one person to be 100% of the problem in a two-or-more person relationship. Everyone gets their slice of the blame pie; some more than others… but everyone gets a slice… including you! Yes, they may have dominated and gotten their way. Yes, they may be hurting you and be unreasonable. Yes, they may have their own issues. But the truth is… you have stayed and participated. You have allowed this to continue. You have enable this to go on to a point of disgust.

You now have three options. Option 1: Stay the same and continue doing what you’ve been doing and getting what you’ve been getting. However, nothing stays the same. If you do nothing, it will most likely get worst. Option 2: Get angry, spiteful, bitter, and nasty. With all of this venom, you can now say all of the things you’ve been holding in and hurt them as much as they’ve hurt you. The problem is, this may feel good in the moment, but is not conducive to a healthy relationship. Your job may fire you and your partner or friends could leave you. Worse, they all stay and the relationships continue to sour; as you can never take back what was said or done. At that point, respect and trust have been violated. Option 3: Stop being passive, explore your wants and needs and why you want and need them. Are your needs and wants realistic, doable, and healthy for you and your relationships? Communicate this with the necessary people and begin to create the life and lifestyle for the newer you. This is not going to be easy, as it’s a new beginning for you and those around you; they have become comfortable with you being passive and it will take time for them to adjust. You have been thinking about this for some time; they just found out… allow them time and understanding as you EVOLVE. Finally, don’t stop creating the newer you! It’s great to take a break when needed and vacations are necessary, but becoming a passenger in your own life is a one-way street to emptiness. Share your thoughts with me at www.facebook.com/menevolvingnow or www.twitter.com/dremenandwomen . Happy EVOLVING!!!

written by: Andre Young

"Passive Much" - Andre Young

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