No one makes it out of their childhood, teens, and adulthood without a few scars; and I don’t mean the scars you can see. I mean, emotional scars. The ones that still stick in your memory and soul when you think about it, are reminded about it, hear that song, smell that smell, or are around that person. You may have been hurt or abandoned by someone close to you; leaving you feeling as if they owe you something. Perhaps you feel they owe you an apology, time, or something tangible. The truth is… they owe you nothing!
Your thoughts or feelings of, “You owe me”, is your righteous pain talking (see my previous blog “Righteous Pain”). You have buried your pain so close to your soul… your pain has become a part, if not all, of who you are and you righteously feel your pain in worse than anyone else’s and deserves to be valued higher, paid more attention to, and…. you have the right to say and act however you feel because of it. Instead of saying or thinking, “they owe you”… what you are really saying is, “I was so hurt so badly by what you did, it changed my life, it changed me, and who I was. I need you to know that. I’m stuck and struggling to heal”.
You may want an apology. You may need to vent and say it out loud for the first time to the person. You may not know what will help. But, if you NEED them to give anything back to you… you are giving up your power and they will remain in control of you and your life forever. Peace will come from within as you explore their reasons for the offense, accept the past, choosing to or not to forgive, understanding your role in the offense, and giving YOUSELF what you need. Your role may have been that of a child and had little, if any, choice in the matter. Your role may have been as an adult and choosing to stay; explore the old you without blame… rather understanding and compassion. Perhaps you will take a step forward today to heal, EVOLVE, and have the relationship of your dreams with yourself, them, and/or YOUR future.
What future do you want and visualize for yourself as an individual, partner, parent, professional, sibling, etc.? What future do you want with the person that hurt you? Are you willing to take the first step? What will it be: for some it may be journaling, visiting with a professional counselor, meeting with the person, or talking about it with a friend. Wherever you are in your life… respect it, brace yourself, and get ready for a new life! Enjoy your evolution, Happy EVOLVING, and share your thoughts at www.facebook.com/menevolvingnow/
written by: Andre Young
