In this world of work, deadlines, duties of the day, and waking to do it all over again… adding in family time, kids, homework, transporting, dinner, and life… it’s easy to see why today’s men and women feel the need to adopt the persona of their family’s Superman or Superwoman. The demands of your day are numerous, constant, and at times thankless. If done well… it takes a special person to do what you do and accomplish what you accomplish in a day… and you are SUPER, but you may not need to be Superman or Superwoman.
So often; throughout my life, years as a marriage counselor, and person… I have seen men and women assume the role of Superman or Superwoman only to spiral and burnout into the abyss of resentment and frustration. You may have taken on this role out of necessity; being a single parent or some unfortunate situation. However, most of the time, people assume the role of taking on home and work task out of initial kindness, strength of ability, control issues, or lack of options. The problem eventually becomes… what you start in the beginning, will be expected in the end!
If you have accepted too many tasks out of kindness… resentment can begin to creep into your day-to-day as it becomes expected you will continue the tasks forever; making it necessary for you to communicate that your kindness should not be taken for granted, as a weakness, or as a convenience.
If you have become Superman or Superwoman due to strength of ability… take it as a compliment; making it necessary for you to improve your teaching skills and allowing others in your life the same skills set. If you are doing tasks because it’s easier for you to do them rather than teach someone… your resentment is your fault.
Some assume the role of Superman or Superwoman because if anyone else does the task… they will mess it up. Sound familiar? The fact they may “mess it up” may be true… but YOU having a control issue is also true! The only way anyone else will learn and be able to assist is to jump in, make mistakes, and make the process somewhat their own. That is hard to do while being judged, put-down, and under-valued. It may not be done your way, but it’s done and you didn’t have to do it. I understand this new way will cause you a great amount of anxiety… but so does a bad work environment and bad relationship.
Lack of option is a legitimate argument and leaves may single parents/caregivers in a quandary; making it necessary to elicit help from friends, neighbors, and the community. You do not have to go at it alone… unless you chose to. Most people are willing to help, but it will take you being willing to connect (Read my 4Cs of Connecting).
Every superhero takes solace in their alter ego. Superman sometimes gets to escape the pressure of being the hero when he is Clark Kent. Clark gets to take a breath, go on vacation, see the world through a different lens, experience the same people in his day-to-day in a different light. In a world always urging you to be super, move forward, and succeed… today… I encourage you to embrace your Clark Kent, put your cape down, and allow other people to be a hero too. Enjoy your evolution and share your thoughts at www.facebook.com/menevolvingnow/ Happy EVOLVING!!!
written by: Andre Young
