Do people really change? Especially within relationships, men tend to meet the woman of their dreams and never want them to change. Women tend to meet men and want them to change just a bit or more. Both scenarios are out of our control and unproductive for a healthy relationship, yet we do it every day! So…do and can people really change?
My answer is yes and no. People change, but usually in their time and due to their own life experiences; not yours. There is a natural flow of life; hopefully we are not the exact same person we were as a teenager, or in our twenties, or thirties. How scary would that be! Over time, our experiences, and keeping our eyes wide open through the positives and negatives of life…we hopefully expand our understanding, develop more empathy, learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others, and alter our behavior and thinking. Examine how you have changed over time; from a young man/woman to the person you are today, from each relationship and perhaps your first marriage to your second, from your first child to your third child, throughout your promotions as an entry level to now. Are you truly blown by the things you used to think, say, and do as a teen, the college years, first marriage, etc. and how you have EVOLVED in so many ways over the years? If not, then today is your Declaration Day! Declare to EVOLVE and start the process of being your best self and living your best life!
I explained the, “Yes” portion of my answer, but the “NO”, is still out there! Most people can change their behaviors, if they really want to or receive the right amount of motivation….or pain! But, at the core, you are who you are! As I look at all of the changes I have made in my life, all the transitions, and my journey; I am the same person at my core. I still like what I like, don’t like what I don’t like, have the same triggers, but you must discipline your thinking, altered your first reaction, and remained focused on the bigger picture personally, professionally, and emotionally. You are who you are at your core, but you do not have to act the way you’ve acted…that is a choice! If you act the way you’ve always acted… you will get what you’ve always gotten.
Personal change, change of behaviors, and the core of a person are interesting and becomes the major milestones in your personal life, relationships, and marriage; adding the twists and turns to the roller-coaster ride. In relationships…“People change and forget to tell each other.” – Lillian Hellman. Wouldn’t it be great if we could change in the same way and at the same time? It doesn’t happen! The best we can do, is honor our partner’s change, the experience that got them there, express our concerns if it’s impacting the relationship, and try to handle our changes as honest and gracefully as we can. If we would like our partner to change their behavior and vice versa, our relationships have a chance. If we need them to change their core…good luck. Over the years, how have you changed within your relationship? How has your partner? What have you learned about yourself and your relationship through these changes? Share your thoughts at www.facebook.com/menevolvingnow or www.twitter.com/dremenandwomen . Happy EVOLVING!!!
written by: Andre Young
