Remember when you first met your significant other. The spark, the intrigue, the butterflies. These are the times to remember later in your relationship when you are in a rut, frustrated, or contemplating ending it all! It never ceases to amaze me how entitled we become and justified in our thoughts, feelings, and actions towards the end of a relationships. In the beginning, most people are not lying about who they are or their life circumstances… you either didn’t see it, blissfully ignored it, thought you could change it, or didn’t think it was going to last forever… and these are the things you will hold against them later.
Your relationship is not a salad bar. Once committed, you don’t get to pick and choose the things you want and don’t want to deal with. Your partner’s past and present is now your grace or your issue. I spoke with a man who complained that his wife received a D.U.I. before they met and she could not drive. He now vents, “That’s not my problem…”. Well… yes it is! You meet someone who is divorced with children… their ex and their children are now your grace and your issue. My wife was in a car accident years before we met… her back trouble is now my issue and up to us to address together.
With that said… you have every right to feel frustrated, exhausted, and have a change of heart within your relationship. If you are considering ending a relationship, whether intimate, friendship, or business … it does not make you a bad person to do so. However, how you go about it will say a lot about who you are. Be careful not to blame the one you chose, loved, and supported for things you were aware of before entering the relationship. At some point, you accepted it… now that you have changed, does not always make you right and them wrong. Your significant other had some positive qualities and brought positives to your life… if not, you would benefit from addressing your process in making healthier relationship choices.
Share their positives with them, thank them for a powerful season in your life, explain your concern and current feelings, and discuss a plan to move forward in separate directions. Yes… it sounds neat and tidy on paper… emotions, both yours and theirs may erupt. Remember, this has been on your mind for a while. This may be new information to them and a shock to their system. Allow them to feel and process. Lastly, be careful not to argue. If you are truly moving on… that means you no longer have to argue. Understand and listen, but don’t argue.
Although your current relationship is not a salad bar… it may be a benefit to be selective about which salad bar you chose to eat. Of course, there will be some unsavory items at all bars, but if you can be more selective about your mate, job, friends, etc… it may allow you to enjoy your journey toward success and your dreams a whole lot better. Happy EVOLVING!!!
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written by: Andre Young
