Single-parenting… literally the hardest job in the world! I remember my days as a single parent of three children. The amount of time spent in the kitchen preparing meals, washing dishes, and cleaning up… as soon as it was over, it was time to do it all again! Talking and playing with the kids as they fight for your time and attention. Breaking up fights and resisting the temptation to lash out; when effective, fair, understandable, and realistic discipline was needed. Not to mention… the money, piling bills, and debt! It’s hard to have a dream when you’re in survival mode… and you can feel as though you no longer matter. I want to share 4 of the most important pieces of advice I learned though my experience, my profession as a therapist, and CEO of You Evolving Now.
Become a team-builder. YOU are important and need to be full mentally and emotionally to be the best single parent you can be. Build a team of positive people that encourage and facilitate your growth and dreams; not just someone to complain to and trade war stories. Also, help to a build a team for your children. Make sure you provide other men and women in your children’s life other than you. It’s important for your children to witness other positive and motivated people other than you. The time will come, when they may need to talk about something difficult and as their parent… you’d be the last choice.
You are your kid’s parent… not their slave. There are a million things that need to be done around the house… YOU don’t need to do all of them. Your children are smart, capable, and willing to partake if introduced early. One day, I entered my boy’s room and watched them playing Play Station… I counted the number of buttons on the controller. Do you know how many buttons are there? 16!!! At that point, I realized there are less buttons on the washer and dryer and I haven’t done their laundry since!
Be careful not to create role confusion. Gentlemen… your daughters are not your wives. Ladies… your sons are not your husbands. If you are a single parent, it can become easy to blend the roles as you talk to your children (typically the oldest) as your partner and expect them to care for the kids, work, and support you financially and emotionally. But dare that child begin to act like an adult… they are quickly told to be a child again. I cannot tell you how many angry and frustrated young people I have heard this from… they may not share this with you out of respect or fear… but it’s there… pay it its respect, apologize, and make sure your child has a childhood.
Finally… keep dreaming. Be careful not to shut down your dreams, goals, and wants… sacrificing yourself to your current lifestyle and your children. This can lead to bitterness, despair, and an unwillingness to let your kids EVOLVE. Your children are watching… if you dream… they dream. Let them see you in action and making the most of the hardest job in the world. Happy EVOLVING!!! Share your thought at www.facebook.com/menevolvingnow/
