As a Leader, you’re aware that your People talk about you when you’re not around, right? They talk about you, your personality, your decision-making, your quirks, and every now and then, they talk about your positives, Lol! People are people… and the post-meeting Hallway Gossip will never stop. The point is, as a Leader, is to improve the side conversations, the gossip, the communication, connection, culture, and results by being willing to address the elephant in the room. So, how do you do it?
Let’s start by acknowledging three BIG Things:
- As I mentioned before, people and people… and they’re going to talk!
- There are two types of gossip; Good Gossip and Bad Gossip and you must decide which type you and your organization will accept. Good Gossip is when someone speaks great/good about their Boss, Direct Report, the job, the new plan, etc. to others. Bad Gossip for example is… after a meeting which you share the new vision, process, procedure, requested feedback, and no one spoke up; you later learn an Employee has not only repeatedly trashed your ideas and the new plan with Coworkers and other Leaders post-meeting… they are actively going out of their way to either do “the old way” or their way.
- Lastly, being proactive is the preferred course of action. However, things you never could’ve accounted for will occur and the decisions you make when being reactive will allow you to demonstrate your experience and expertise as a Leader; gaining more faithful followers as you move forward… Be Mindful!
Therefore, let’s begin by proactively asking great “Elephant in The Room Questions” to facilitate feedback from Direct Reports and Employees, minimize surprises, and increase Good Gossip!
- Why do you think we’re struggling right now?
I remember brainstorming and launching a Leadership Webinar… and it failed miserably, Lol! Miserably is a harsh word; we were able to impact maybe ten Leaders worldwide. When I asked my Team why it failed (in terms of numbers), they shared we didn’t promote it long enough, our marketing strategy was poor, and to add… I wasn’t passionate about the idea; as it was outside of our traditional lane of speaking AT an event, not hosting one! How come not one member of my Team told me this in the countless meetings beforehand?
- What do you think is preventing us from hitting our goals?
If you’ve followed my content, you know my 5 Types of Employees; from your Inspired & Motivated to your Grouch… As well as you multiple Departments and Silo Leaders who all believe they are working the hardest and their job is the most important! Therefore, brace yourself… if you’re Leader enough to ask this question, we must be Leader enough to Listen to the answer… and all the answers are a certain level of correct! All ideas may not be able to be implemented, however all ideas must be considered, praised, and explained as to why or why not.
- Is there anything I need to know that People may be afraid to say?
As “The Boss” please understand your People are different around you. Your title precedes you, and as cool and down-to-earth as you may be, your People still know your title and your power, and may withhold necessary information that would greatly benefit your plan, the functioning of a project, etc. This question addresses the reality of your professional role, their position, and the inner workings of an organization, allowing for helpful truths to be provided.
“The Elephant in The Room Questions” are simple yet powerful, but they may still feel uncomfortable and intimidating if not asked in the most appropriate setting. Therefore, here are a few options:
- “The Elephant in the Room Questions” can be prefaced during the onboarding phase, explaining That Leaders will regularly ask these types of questions in Team Meetings and one-on-one meetings to continually enhance the organization, its People, and those they serve.
- As a Leader, you can choose to make these questions a segment of your 1-on-1’s and Team Meetings.
- Formal vs. Informal – The meetings I just mentioned would be an example of formal. Informal suggests That Leaders will randomly ask individuals on their Teams and beyond “The Elephant in The Room Questions” questions while walking the building, on virtual calls, to customers/clients, etc.
Tip: Remember, you’re reading this article… your People haven’t. You’ve been thinking of these questions… the person you plan to ask may not be. Perhaps they have the answer, but don’t think quickly on their feet. Perhaps they’ve been professionally abused at a job before working with you. Perhaps they think you should have all the answers, given your lofty title and pay… I could go on, but you get my point! Therefore, provide them not only with permission to share, but also time to think and get back to you. When they need time, provide two dates and times that work best for you both. Consider meeting in their office, a neutral location, or your office, but not with you sitting behind your desk, allowing for a less intense yet meaningful discussion. Be Mindful!
Now, what about that Employee who keeps the negative gossip going… You know about it, it’s not Positive, Passionate, or Productive, and it taints your Leadership, the Team, and the Organization if you don’t do something?
Address It!
As Leaders, we must be willing to have difficult conversations; otherwise, we won’t be leading for very long. Therefore, schedule a meeting with the Employee either in your calendar to informally address them: calling them to your office, visiting theirs, or on a virtual call. Perhaps you plan to be curious and ask questions about their comments and share ways you prefer them to come to you in the future during your 1-on-1 Meetings. I discuss this at length and in role plays during my Training on “Difficult Conversations”. Perhaps, it’s more formal due to the repetitiveness of the situation and a professional disciplinary process will ensue; therefore scheduling a more formal meeting to include witnesses, union reps, etc.
Help Me Understand!
Thank the Employee for attending and share the nature of the meeting. “Thank You for coming in/making time for this meeting. It’s come to my attention you’ve made repeated comments regarding ______. Can you help me to understand why you haven’t shared these thoughts in our Team meetings and 1-on-1’s when time has been set aside for it?”.
Note: If you haven’t asked “The Elephant in The Room Questions” in meetings or 1-on-1’s, All Staff Meetings, or randomly… then part of this negative gossip lands on YOU… and as a Leader, we must accept that and move forward with more purpose, curiosity, and including the Warning and Blueprint which I’ll share in a bit!
Evaluate Their Answer & Ideas!
This may be the hard part! Make time and take time to listen and process their answers as to why they have not shared their thoughts and feedback in meetings.
They may share a culture within your Team and Organization you’re unaware of. Perhaps, once they share, they are targeted by other Co-Leaders, Leaders higher than you, and/or other departments. Perhaps they’ve been professionally abused at other jobs. Perhaps the Leader before you operated differently. Perhaps, once they share, they will be responsible for ALL of the work, outcomes, and therefore volunteers to become the eventual scapegoat. Or, perhaps they’re simply a toxic employee who’s proven to engage this way, and this is the first time a Leader like yourself has ever properly addressed it.
Secondly, ask “The Elephant in The Room Questions”, allow them to answer candidly, and evaluate their idea/s. They may be correct, but with a poor delivery. They may be wrong, and you can now share the bigger picture. Or you may take pieces of their ideas and implement them. The point is… as a Leader, part of your job is to make your “Yes’s” powerful and your “No’s” meaningful. Saying “Yes” to their idea or parts of it will help you delegate and build while giving them power to follow through and Lead. Saying “No” will allow you to explain obstacles they may be unaware of related to cost, vision, Board Members, other Departments, customer needs, compliance, etc. This allows your “No” to educate… making your “No” meaningful, not personal!
Warning/Consequence!
This meeting isn’t without warning or possible consequences. The Employee was offered multiple opportunities to share ideas and they have consistently chosen to go against what I label The 3P’s: Positive, Passionate, & Productive. The conversation may sound something like, “ Thank You for sharing your answers and idea/s with me. This is what I liked, stood out for me, and we can do ____ or we cannot do ____ because _____. Moving forward, we can no longer engage in this negative gossip as a Team. It’s bad for morale, our culture, The 3P’s, and what we’re building here. Moving forward, I’d like you to share your ideas in meetings, rather than in the hallways or with people who can’t help you. If it continues, we’d have to begin disciplinary processes and neither you nor I wants that. We’re building something special here, you’re great at what you do, you’re an asset, and we’d like to build with you!”.
Blueprint!
Thank them for attending the meeting and conclude with a blueprint on how they can more comfortably share their ideas in future meetings or during one-on-ones. Start by sharing what method you prefer to hear ideas: blurted out, emailed, Slack, text, group text, organized and charted, verbal brainstorm, etc.? What’s the first sentence they can say that will grab and maintain your attention? Lastly, what other information would you like them to share related to their idea? How much will it cost? Will they do it? Will their Team do it? Do other Departments need to be involved? Will external support be required? Etc.?
In closing, be sure you’re willing and capable of following through on whatever comes out of your “Elephant in The Room Questions”! What was your Biggest Takeaway? What will you add to your professional toolbox; enhancing not only your Leadership & Work/Life Harmony, but also that of those your Leading?
“As a Leader, you must be willing to have difficult conversations, or you won’t be Leading for very long… Be Mindful!” – Andre Young
Written by: Andre Young
