Throughout my years as Founder & President of You Evolving Now, as a therapist, as a man, friend, and parent… I have had the honor of meeting some wonderful people who have the best intentions of living their best lives and providing their children with better life experiences than they had. These moms and dads; whether married, separated, or divorced would do ANYTHING for their children… and they do! I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard… “My life revolves around my kids” or “My kids are everything to me”! It sounds so noble to say… doesn’t it. But what does it really sound like to hear? The truth is… you must beware of these statements, as it can create a snowball effect in your life and your relationships that halts your overall evolution.
“My life revolves around my kids”… said with such pride by many a parent! The sacrificial nature of these statement cannot be denied, however what are you really sacrificing? The danger and negative implications can be immense. This statements creates quite the paradox as you have both stripped yourself of any importance but yet made yourself of most importance. You have given up all of your time, relationships, hierarchy as a parent in your home to cater to and provide, as well as your role as a wife or husband… trading it for only mom or dad. Yet, you have made yourself immensely powerful as the ultimate caretaker; being wanted and needed for everything big and small. The question is… Why? If this applies to you… please ask yourself, what are you getting out of this, what are your children getting out of this, and what will be left of you, your partner, and your relationship when they leave?
When you say, “My life revolves around my kids”, what does your partner hear? I have children and the love you have for your children cannot be put into words, but when you say this statement… who or what are you neglecting… your husband, your wife, friends, work, dreams, etc. With the hectic pace of life, work, sports, after school activities, homework, sleepovers, bills, and the house… it can become easy to lose yourself in the role as mother and father. But you are so much more than that… you are an individual with a past, present, and future. You are a son or daughter, brother or sister, professional, friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband or wife. As your children grow and naturally leave the nest… and they will… if you have not nurtured your relationship, those other roles you play, and other aspects of your life… what will happen and who will you be? Will you like or even know who you are? Will you know or even like your partner? Will you need to keep your kids dependent, to maintain your relevance? I have walked this journey with many individuals and couples and I encourage you to EVOLVE… and here’s how?
Yes, your children are important and time spent is extremely important for their emotional, psychological, and social development, but let’s establish a clear hierarchy! If you are a spiritual person, put your faith first and live a life according to that… so the love, respect, and positivity flows downhill onto you, your relationship, and then onto the kids. They are watching you and will emulate your thoughts, words and actions in their own relationships. If you are not a spiritual person… place your relationship first, yourself second, then the kids. Your relationship first!!!! If you have selected a man (not a boy) and a woman (not a girl) for a partner and your relationship is healthy, caring, mutual, understanding, loving, and respectful… it is necessary to maintain that and EVOLVE. You caring for your needs allows you to be full enough to care for others and maintain that hectic pace of life. The children will receive the effects of great parenting, great partnering, mentoring, and learn how to care for their relationships and themselves. Your children are smarter than you think… although they’d like to be in charge; they know they are not supposed to be and will respect you more in the end for the proper hierarchy! They will benefit from being taught responsibility, patience, and understanding as they are not always the center of attention; being cater to, entertained, and chauffeured. Share your thoughts with me at www.facebook.com/menevolvingnow or on Twitter @dremenandwomen . Happy EVOLVING!!!
written by: Andre Young
