Break-ups can be rough! Whether boyfriend and girlfriend or divorces between husbands and wives; it can be a time of mixed emotions, anger, sadness, relief, dismay, denial and all of the above. Some people say… “The break-up was mutual”. I find that to be a logical and understandable statement, but the truth is… one person tends to want in or out more than the other. Both sides experience pain in their own way, but it can especially hard when they’re children involved. This blog could be dedicated solely to break-ups, but today I will focus on the introduction of the new guy or new woman in your ex’s life when your children are involved.
Years ago, I went through a divorce with three children. My ex-wife later began to date a man and they began a very serious relationship; moving in together and blending their families. This was an odd experience for me as I have always been the only man in my children’s lives. Was he a good man? Could he be trusted? I have a daughter… how does that work? What are the rules and how does discipline work in their home? All of these questions and worries can drive you up a wall; our court system proves this to be true. So many men and women have found themselves in legal trouble due to the emotions and behaviors related to break-ups, exes, and the new person.
During this time, I chose to accept and take in the whole picture with eyes wide open. I chose to meet him and his children. I chose to accept transition and teach my children to be aware and respectful. We must choose to listen to our children and provide them with what they need, as they are going through this transition as well, and need you at your best. We must choose to accept the addition to our circle with a team approach because at some point, we will all need each other. Some days are easier than others, but for men specifically, this is of utmost importance. I wanted to have the greatest relationship possible with the other man who is around my children for two important reasons. One, if we don’t get along, how will he treat my children? Two, I may disagree or at times or have verbal disagreements with my ex-wife, but what will ensue with an argument with another man? Therefore, it was and should be imperative to all men and women to manage, accept, and work improve relationships with the new man or woman.
I remember a time at church; My wife and I were walking with my children. My boys were younger then and holding my hand. They say my ex-wife’s boyfriend across the room; let go my hand and darted over to him. People have said, “I would have been so mad”. I cannot lie… my heart sank a bit and I was initially hurt. But my next thought has stayed with me forever…” I’d rather my kids run to that man, than be running from that man”. At that moment, in my mind, heart, and spirit… I was OK and it was OK. Share your thoughts at www.facebook.com/menevolvingnow or www.twitter.com/dremenandwomen . Happy EVOLVING!!!
written by: Andre Young
