As people… you have a pattern… good, bad, or indifferent. Your patterns make you who you are and also paint a picture for everyone else to see. You have a pattern as an individual, a pattern as a partner, a professional, sibling, son/daughter, etc. There are four types of patterns and you may find yourself in all of them given the role you play: Positive/Positive… Negative/Positive… Positive/Negative… and Negative/Negative. Let me explain.
The Positive/Positive refers to the positive patterns you do or have in a role you play… and it has a positive impact on the people around you. Example – You are early for work and bring breakfast for co-workers.
The Negative/Positive refers to your negative pattern, but it positively benefits those around you. Example – You are always late to work, but you bring breakfast for you co-workers.
The Positive/Negative refers to your positive pattern, but it’s a detriment to those around you. Example – You are always early to work and ready for your job, but your attitude is no negative that people wish you’d stay home.
Finally, Negative/Negative… this is the main area of concern and when “Sorry” and your “Why” stops mattering. Example – You are habitually late to work and enter with breakfast only for you. At some point, your “Why” and “Sorry” ceases to matter… people don’t’ want “Sorry”… they want you to be different. Funny thing… when the Negative/Negative pattern is called out… prepare yourself. This person tends to be defensive, blaming, and will minimize their actions. They may be unware of their impact on you… or they may not care about the impact on you. Make the observation, state your point, know your line, and observe further to evaluate your next move… this change is on them to make… You have your own patterns to evaluate!
This may seem trivial, given the example given, but it won’t be trivial to this person and their family when they get fired. The Negative/Negative pattern seeps into relationships as well… at some point… you will cross your partner’s, friend’s, parent’s line in the sand and they will no longer accept your “Why” and “Sorry”… It’s time to do different! Can you imagine if someone’s Negative/Negative continuously impacted you? You have a line… and most people are wired to respect their line in the sand; when crossed, some will argue, yell, and scream, some will disconnect with silence, and some will simply end relationships and walk. EVOLVE today and explore your patterns in the various roles you play. Share your thoughts at www.facebook.com/menevolvingnow/ Happy EVOLVING!!!
written by: Andre Young
