Can you imagine your boss or job telling you to your face… “We don’t need you”. “We would be fine without you or better without you”. “We made it this far without you and you can leave”. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say”. Or, “You’re dispensable and can be replaced”. Can you imagine??? I can’t imagine it would make you work harder, come in on your day off, take initiative, or even care about anything other than a paycheck and possibly the benefit package.
The saddest part is… I’m not talking about employers… I’m talking about relationships. You couldn’t imagine your job saying these things… but significant others will say it at the drop of a hat when angry, hurt, and in the heat of the moment. In this day and age of two earners in the home, the rise of Mr. or Ms. Independent, and a lower tolerance for agitation, being hurt, and/or dealing with a relationship that you don’t have to… these things have actually been said!… “I don’t need you”, “I’d be fine without you or better without you”. “I made it this far without you… leave”, etc.
Throughout my time as a therapist and CEO of You Evolving Now… it has been my experience that the significant other doesn’t leave right away. They stay and may initially perform better for a short period of time out of fear, shock, and/or love. But the hurt is palpable, can turn into resentment, they feel unloved and disrespected, and will typically do one of three things: stay in the relationship and disappear within themselves… leaving you little to be attracted to and respect (just as a begrudged employee), rise up and prove you wrong… and leave you emotionally, physically, or relationally (an employee staying because they have to but constantly looking for and finding another job), or EVOLVE; exhibiting and communicating a new standard of respect and love within the relationship by forgiving, setting new boundaries, and working as a team. The work and effort you have put into being independent and self-sufficient is commendable… but have you gotten so independent that you will stay independently alone? Stay tuned for my upcoming blog “Construction Talk”… EVOLVE your communication, your relationship, your life!
Share your thoughts with me at www.facebook.com/menevolvingnow/ or @Dremenandwomen
written by: Andre Young
