Money, power, respect is sometimes believed to be the natural progression… leading to this glorious life of wealth and lifestyle. However, in your relationship… if not handled correctly… can lead to your demise and nothing but hurt. What happens in your relationship, when your partner makes more and you make less? What happens when YOU make more and they make less? Money has a way of making you feel… either powerful or powerless and both emotions will have an impact on your relationship… So, what to do?
When they make more and you make less… it’s important to acknowledge the truth in that fact. But the fact is ONLY that they make more money. It does not mean they are the boss, in the power position, you are inferior, or you less important. You are a part of a team and every team member is important and necessary. However… you are a person and pride does kick-in. When you are the partner making less, it’s important for you to love, cherish, and respect your personal value, what you bring to the relationship, and develop a couple’s vision for both of you moving forward with an excited vision for your future. What role, individually and together, will you play in moving your relationship forward? Valuing yourself, loving your partner both in your way and their way, and a team driven approach will be huge during times you may question your worth in this “I have more world” or “I make the money relationship”.
When you are the one that makes more… it’s imperative to keep your ego in check. As I stated before… money has a way of making you feel. When you have it, a lot of it, or are the breadwinner… it can be easy to feel the power and do things you normally wouldn’t do: feel the right to make all or any decision you feel, dismiss your partner’s ideas, or simply do what you want because without you (and your money/income) what or where would you guys be. All of these thoughts will creep into your mind, but when they creep out of your mouth, actions, and into your relationship it will breed devastation. It’s hard to get the love and respect you desire from someone you that you continue to undervalue and disrespect. Then, when you don’t get it the love and respect you want, need, and desire… you can begin to think they are only there for the money and a more convenient lifestyle; causing you to become more guarded and dismissive… see the cycle? Avoid the cycle!
Now that both sides know what to do and the dangers… remember YOU are part of a team… if you are married… a life-long team! Come together regularly for your Relationship Boardroom Meetings (in my book, 7 Ways to Love)… presenting as a team. Discuss finances (this takes some pressure off of the partner that makes the money and allows a window into the financial picture, obligations, and respect for the behind the scenes bills), the house, the kids, decisions, and most important end the meeting with “What’s good in your world?”. Your partner plays a lot of roles… a worker, a parent, son/daughter, friend, etc. They experience much in a day that has nothing to do with you. Let’s celebrate their positives and have interest in the other parts of them that don’t directly impact you.
Whether man, woman, top-earner, or lesser-earner… the key ingredients to your relationship are love and respect. The earner wants to be respected for their ability and willingness to provide. While the lesser-earner wants to be respected for the intangibles and all they bring to the relationship and their successes. Respect means positively acknowledging your partner and verbalizing your appreciation through your words, notes, texts, love, and their way they liked to be loved. Enjoy your evolution and share your thoughts at www.facebook.com/menevolvingnow/ Happy EVOLVING!!!
written by: Andre Young
